A friend of mine, now brother-in-law (long story) once started out as a mild mannered college student living on his own for the first time. Little to his knowledge, at the time, he was moving in with two of the devil’s advocates. Us advocates would eventually mold and sculpt this individual into the man he is today.
Often times when one is bored, inventive ideas swirl about in the brain designed to shift the tides of boredom over to the side of fun. Now, fun is not always under the classification of wise, prudent, or legal.
When we were young, we used to have all kinds of parties. Most of the week, in fact, consisted of: the methodical destruction or ‘strengthening’ of our livers.
My bachelor experiences are many indeed. Some bad, some good, but all memorable. One particular memory is of my friend and once roommate. He had been enslaved at a local restaurant during the busiest week they ever had. He had been working about 17 hours a day and getting only about 2 hours of sleep, or less, each night. By the end of the week he had only logged about 7 hours of sleep total for about 6 days of forced labor. Needles to say, he was exhausted!
Every year, after the New Years celebrations and subsequent hangovers, we would proceed to take down our highly discounted tree; in a most unusual way. Most people simply take their tree, wrap it up in a couple of trash bags (to prevent a fire hazard) and throw it in a pile with the rest of the week’s garbage out on the curb, and await it’s departure.
As many people know, bachelors seldom have more than two pennies to rub together. After all, it is hard to save your money when you have so many financial obligations at your feet, like: The purchase of alcoholic beverages, Macaroni & Cheese, and junk food. Not to mention having to throw wild parties each and every week (as this IS a moral obligation.)
We have a friend that used to be known (county-wide) for saying and doing the most ridiculously stupid things in public and embarrassing himself, along with the others who happened to be with him. This friend will remain nameless, being as I don’t need any lawsuits here.
One night we were all at this cheap diner, known as Spires. We were all having a heart to heart discussion, when we could hear a small group of people giggling and mocking our discontent with the women in our lives.
This upset us slightly, but no problem, they were idiots, so we were prepared to ignore them. WE were prepared, not our ill fated friend, mind you.
The group of people continued to vituperate in our general direction as we left the restaurant. This upset our foolish friend even further; so he decided that he was going to do something about this “Atrocity” and right now.
As we were all getting into our cars to part for the night, our friend informs us that he has concocted a plan.
“Hold on a minute!” he exclaimed.
‘Oh shit, what was he going to do now?’
He goes over to the window that the maturity-deficited pests were sitting near and with clenched fists furiously pounded on the window. He then proceeded to pull down his pants, and expose his shiny white deficationary device to the people while shouting, “CHECK ME OUT !!! “
The pests were startled to say the least and a bit perturbed at the human equivalent of a full moon, and proceeded to get up to go apprehend our inventive little friend, who at this point was running at full speed towards the parking lot shouting “LETS GO ! LETS GO ! THEY’RE COMING OUT !!!”
As we were pulling our cars into position to pick him up, he slips on some water, does a slider under the side of one of the cars, and bashes his knee. We pulled him up, scrambling into the car, and took off.
The next day we all meet up with our member of the Clan of the Full Moon who was donning a full leg brace to nurse his torn knee ligaments.
The whole incident cost him $1600 in doctor bills and two months recovery. Would you not think that this would serve as a lesson to him for future outbursts…? One would think that, however, He has made a virtual career out of ingeminating.